I trained for the expedition, and my body is the reason the team may go without me

Dear Delyara, I have trained for three years for a high-altitude expedition. Savings, courses, fitness, technical climbing, weekends away from family. Six weeks before departure, routine bloodwork showed a heart rhythm problem. The cardiologist says I need more investigation and should not go until we understand it. The team cannot delay. My place will go to someone else. Everyone tells me health comes first. I know. I am still furious at my own heart. It has carried me through thousands of training miles and chosen now to become uncertain. My twelve-year-old son said maybe this means I can be at his school concert after all. He meant it kindly. The concert is on departure day. I smiled and said I would love to be there. Part of me will sit in that auditorium thinking about a plane taking off without me. I hate that. I want to be the father grateful to be safe and present. I am also the man who built three years around one mountain and may have to watch photographs of friends standing where I trained to stand.