I try to solve the emotional future before the future exists

Dear Delyara, That is what waiting becomes in me. Emotional pre-processing. Trying to get ahead of pain by living too many versions of it first. The mind becomes busy, the body stays half-ready, and the whole present gets colonized by something that isn’t even real yet. It’s such an expensive way to relate to life. And still my system returns to it over and over. I’m tired of living in rehearsal.