I Tucked the Blanket Over Sleeping Feet and Felt a Wave of Love That Hurt

Dear Delyara, One foot was sticking out from under the duvet, small and warm and completely unaware of how much power it still has over me just by existing in that ordinary vulnerable way. I pulled the blanket back over it and that familiar ache moved through me — the one made of exhaustion, protectiveness, gratitude, overstimulation, and the quiet knowledge that this phase will not last forever even while some evenings feel endless inside it. Parenting is such a strange arrangement. You can spend all day desperate for less noise, less need, less touch, less “Mum,” and then at night one sleeping foot can make your chest hurt with love. Both are true. That is the part I wish more people said plainly. Love and depletion share a body. Mine, anyway.