I Turned Off the TV in the Middle of a Show I Was Watching Alone

Dear Delyara, I was twenty minutes into it. No one interrupted me. Nobody needed anything. I finally had the couch, the blanket, the remote, the whole quiet room. And suddenly I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t watch one more fictional person having a cleaner emotional life than me, even if it was sad on screen too. So I clicked it off and sat there in the dark living room, holding the remote in both hands like it had disappointed me personally. That’s what loneliness does sometimes. It makes even entertainment feel false. Too shiny. Too scripted. Too emotionally satisfying in ways my own life is not. I didn’t want distraction. I wanted relief. Those are not always the same thing.