I use my daughter’s school run as an excuse to buy alcohol

Dear Delyara, Every morning, I drive my daughter to school. She talks constantly in the car—friends, teachers, music, somebody who looked at somebody else during lunch. I answer at the right moments and kiss her goodbye. Then, instead of going home, I drive to the supermarket. The cashier recognizes me. I buy wine at nine in the morning and usually add bread or vegetables so the basket looks like ordinary shopping. I wait until ten to open the first bottle because ten sounds less frightening than nine. That is one of the ridiculous rules addiction lets me use as proof that I still have control. By school pickup, I have usually drunk enough that I walk instead of drive. My daughter thinks I am trying to get fit. She tells people, proudly, that Mum has started walking everywhere. Yesterday, rain was coming sideways and she asked why I had not brought the car. I said parking near the school was impossible. She complained all the way home while holding my arm to keep from slipping. I concentrated on putting one foot correctly in front of the other. When we reached home, she said, “At least we got our steps in.” I smiled. My child thinks the long wet walks are something healthy we do together. I know they are the route I use to hide that her mother cannot legally drive by three in the afternoon.