I visited my son’s grave without cleaning every inch of it

Dear Delyara, After my son died, I cleaned his grave compulsively. Every visit involved scrubbing the stone, straightening flowers, removing every leaf. If the grave looked neglected, I felt like a bad mother. Therapy helped me understand I had turned maintenance into a test of love. Last week, I went after a storm. Leaves covered the grass. Mud marked the stone. I brought cleaning supplies, then left them in the car. I sat beside him for twenty minutes and told him about his sister’s new job. One leaf stayed stuck across his surname. I let it. Healing has not made the grave unimportant. It has allowed me to visit my child without spending the whole time proving to passing strangers that somebody still cares for him.