I waited outside the school gate and felt strangely nervous

Dear Delyara, I was early for once, standing with the other parents in the cold, and still I could feel a small nervousness in my chest that had nothing to do with time. I was waiting to see my daughter’s face. That’s what parenthood becomes after a while. You learn to read children in fragments. The way they walk out. Whether the bag is dragged or carried. Whether the eyes look for you quickly or avoid you. Whether the mouth is already tight. Whether they are talking before they reach you or silent all the way to the car. She came out smiling today. I felt my whole body relax in a way that embarrassed me a little. No one around me would have known that for ten minutes I had been bracing for the possibility of another hard afternoon. That’s how quiet motherhood is in public. So much of it is private weather.