I walked into the room without privately reducing myself

Dear Delyara, That is how subtle self-esteem can be for me now. Not what I say in theory. What I do in the two minutes before other people look at me. The old habits are fast — shrink, soften, edit, apologise inwardly, make yourself easier to receive before anyone has had the chance to reject or misread you. I know those movements so well they can almost pass for personality if I don’t watch closely. This time I didn’t follow them. I got dressed. I entered. I let myself arrive as I was, without the private pre-emptive act of cutting myself down to size first. It changed the room. Or perhaps it changed me enough that the room no longer had the same power. Either way, that felt like victory. A quiet one. A profound one. And one I want more of.