I Wanted My Daughter to Go to Sleep So I Could Miss Her

Dear Delyara, While she was still awake, it was one more snack, one more question, one more page, one more song, one more “Mom, look,” one more reason my body couldn’t come down from the day. I was trying so hard to stay sweet. Then she fell asleep. And the second she did, I missed her. I stood in her doorway looking at her small sleeping face and felt this wave of tenderness so huge it almost made me feel guilty for how badly I had wanted bedtime to happen. But I think this is what motherhood actually is — wanting quiet and then grieving it immediately when it finally comes. I wish more people said that part out loud.