I Wanted My Family to Go to Sleep Faster

Dear Delyara, Not because I was angry. Because I needed my own life back. That’s how it felt by 8:45. Not “I need rest.” More like “I need everybody to stop needing me long enough for my own thoughts to rise back to the surface.” The kids were normal. My husband was normal. The TV was on, somebody wanted a snack, somebody else was brushing their teeth too loudly, and I could feel my whole nervous system counting down to silence like it was waiting for oxygen. I love them. I also needed them unconscious. Both things were true at once.