I Wanted My Son to Go to His Friend’s House So I Could Miss Him

Dear Delyara, He’d been under my feet all day. Questions, snacks, stories, interruptions, one missing shoe, two requests for help, three dramatic retellings of something that happened at recess, and by 5:30 I wanted him somewhere else with the kind of desperation that makes a mother ashamed. Then his friend’s mom texted asking if he wanted to come over for an hour. I said yes too fast. He left with his backpack half-zipped and that distracted cheerful wave children do when they assume your love is permanent. The house got quiet. I started dinner. Ten minutes later, I missed him so badly I had to sit down. This is what no one explains. Sometimes you need relief from the people you would die for. And the relief itself opens a new ache. By the time he came home, I was gentler. Maybe that counts for something.