I wanted one evening without emotional math

Dear Delyara, You know the kind I mean. How much do I have left in me? How much do they need? How much can I answer honestly? How much can I leave for tomorrow? How much of this feeling is sadness and how much is exhaustion? How much contact can I handle before I start resenting it? I get tired of all the emotional math. Tonight I wanted one evening where I didn’t have to calculate myself so carefully just to get through it gracefully. I didn’t quite manage that, but I softened the pressure enough to notice how much I wanted it. That felt worth writing down.