I wanted one room where nothing in me had to be impressive

Dear Delyara, Not strong. Not articulate. Not resilient. Not insightful. Not gracefully wounded. Not productively healing. Just human. I think I’m tired of how often even private pain gets filtered through some subtle standard of presentation. If I’m hurting, I want to understand it well. If I’m tired, I want to justify it elegantly. If I’m resting, I want it to look wise instead of ordinary. There is so much performance stitched into how I relate to myself. Tonight I wanted out of that. I wanted one room where I could simply be a person at the edge of her energy without making it mean anything useful or beautiful or mature. One room where I didn’t have to turn experience into quality. For a little while, this page became that room. And I’m grateful for that more than I can say properly.