I wanted one thing to feel easy without suspicion

Dear Delyara, Sometimes even ease makes me tense. If something feels nice, I wait for interruption. If something feels calm, I suspect it won’t last. If the mood lifts, I monitor it instead of enjoying it. If the room softens, I listen for the next thing that will harden it again. Tonight I noticed that happening in real time. I had a decent moment and immediately began protecting myself from losing it. I’m tired of how difficult trust in peace still is for me. But I noticed. That must count for something.