I wanted the television off but.....

Dear Delyara, There are moments where I know exactly what would help me — less noise, fewer voices, one less screen pouring sound into the room — and yet I hesitate because I’m tired of being cast as the one who needs lowering, quiet, space, reduction. The one whose nervous system creates “extra rules.” So I said nothing for fifteen minutes longer than I should have and became progressively more irritated by all the noise I hadn’t asked to change. In the end I turned it off myself and immediately felt better, which only annoyed me further because I’d already lost fifteen minutes to not wanting to seem like myself. I wish I found it easier to need what I need without also resenting the identity of being the person who needs it.