I wanted to be held before becoming eloquent

Dear Delyara, I think one of my least useful coping habits is trying to become articulate before allowing myself to need anything. As if pain has to become beautifully explained before it deserves care. As if I need a coherent thesis about my sadness before I’m allowed to say, “I’m not okay.” Tonight I don’t have eloquence. I have heaviness. And tiredness. And a wish that someone could meet me there before I’ve made it sound wise. Maybe that’s part of what this space is for. To write from the middle, not only from the lesson.