I wanted to eat alone and then felt guilty for wanting it

Dear Delyara, Dinner is supposed to be togetherness, and some nights it is. Last night it felt like one more room full of needs I had to meet while pretending not to be too tired to meet them. No one was behaving badly. That made the feeling harder to admit. The children were chatty, my husband was telling me something about work, someone wanted more water, someone dropped a fork, someone else started talking before the other one had finished. It was just family life. And still, part of me was longing to sit at the edge of my bed with a plate and no conversation. I hate how quickly guilt rises in me around that longing, as if wanting temporary silence means I love them less. It doesn’t. It means I am full. That’s all. I stayed at the table. I just did it in a body that wished for a locked door and ten quiet bites.