I wanted to eat first and speak later

Dear Delyara, I came in hungry and tired, and before I had even taken my coat off, I was already being spoken to from two directions. One child asking about tomorrow, one husband asking about a bill, the dog barking because someone was at the door. Nothing outrageous. Just life arriving before I had fully entered it. I could feel irritation rising, not because anyone had done something wrong, but because my body wanted one basic thing before it had to become relational again. Food first. Silence first. A few minutes of not being needed in language. Instead I answered, nodded, found the receipt, turned off the barking dog, and put the pasta on. The whole time I was thinking how strange it is that women are expected to move straight from one world into another without any proper emotional hallway in between. Work to home, person to role, hunger to caregiving, tiredness to responsiveness. Tonight I wanted a hallway. I got a saucepan.