I wanted to eat standing in the kitchen because sitting felt too official

Dear Delyara, That probably makes no sense to anyone who isn’t tired in exactly the same way. There are evenings when sitting properly at the table feels like an event that asks more from me than standing by the counter with a fork and pretending I’ll only be there for a minute. Sitting says, now we are having dinner, now we are fully in this moment, now there may be conversation, now I must behave like a settled person. Standing lets me remain slightly unavailable, slightly transitional, slightly less accountable to the atmosphere of the room. Tonight I stood. I know that says something about my state. I’m just not entirely sure what yet.