I wanted to feel less observed by my own mind

Dear Delyara, It’s not only other people I feel watched by. Sometimes it’s my own mind. The running commentary. The evaluation. The internal observation of my mood, my face, my choices, my pace, my appetite, my replies, my tone. Even in private, I can feel as if some part of me is standing over the experience, recording and assessing instead of simply living it. Tonight I was tired of being mentally watched. I wanted a little less internal surveillance. For a few minutes, I found it. That felt rare.