I wanted to leave one thing messy on purpose

Dear Delyara, Not out of carelessness. Out of refusal. A cup in the sink. A blanket unfolded. Something unfinished in plain sight. I wanted proof that I could stop before the whole environment had been arranged into a respectable version of my life. Some nights tidying is calming. Other nights it becomes a final performance of control. Tonight I didn’t want to perform control. I wanted permission to leave one thing untouched and still believe I was a decent person. It sounds small. It wasn’t small to me.