I wanted to lock the bathroom door from the world

Dear Delyara, Not because anyone was doing anything particularly terrible. Just because I wanted one small room where nothing could reach me for ten minutes. No questions through the door. No phone. No practical requests shouted from the hallway. No emotional follow-up on something I said downstairs. I think mothers become so used to being continually accessible that even temporary inaccessibility feels like a moral event. Last night I locked the door, sat on the edge of the bath for a minute before running the water, and felt that odd mixture of relief and guilt I still haven’t learned how to separate properly. The relief was more honest. The guilt was older.