I wanted to put the kettle on and leave the house at the same time

Dear Delyara, That strange split tells me a lot about my evenings. Part of me wanted comfort, ritual, home. The other part wanted out — not forever, not dramatically, just out of the reach of everything domestic and familiar for an hour. I think that’s what happens when the house contains both love and labour. It pulls me in and tires me at the same time. So I made the tea and stood at the back door while it brewed, looking into the dark garden like I might walk into it and keep going. I didn’t. I drank the tea. But I understood the impulse. Sometimes the deepest tiredness isn’t wanting to disappear. It’s wanting a temporary life with no one asking where the clean school jumper is.