I wanted to stay in the shower longer than my life allowed

Dear Delyara, The water was warm, the door was locked, and for the first time all day no one could reach me with a question. No one wanted to know where something was. No one needed signing, sorting, answering, checking, packing, finding, or soothing. It was just water and steam and five minutes of being unreachable. I could hear movement outside the door and knew I didn’t have long. That ruined it a little. I think that’s what I grieve sometimes — not lack of love, but lack of uninterrupted selfhood. Even my quiet moments arrive with a countdown hidden inside them. I got out, dried off, and went back into the noise. But part of me stayed in that steam for another hour.