I wanted to stop being reasonable

Dear Delyara, There are days when I’m so tired of being reasonable. Reasonable in conversation. Reasonable in disappointment. Reasonable about money. Reasonable about timing. Reasonable about what I ask for. Reasonable about how long I’m allowed to feel something before I should have perspective. Today I wanted one unruly corner of feeling. One place where I didn’t have to package everything into maturity. I didn’t really get it. But I did at least let myself admit that the wish exists. That feels like a beginning.