I wanted to stop being the reasonable one

Dear Delyara, There are days when reasonableness feels like a costume I’m too practiced at. The measured response. The mature perspective. The emotional restraint. The patience. The polished language around disappointment. The socially acceptable version of hurt. Tonight I did not want to be that person. I didn’t necessarily want chaos. I just wanted room to feel less edited and less impressive and less emotionally house-trained. I think that version of me needs more room than I’ve been giving her.