I wanted to stop using “later” as a place to hide my own needs

Dear Delyara, Later I’ll rest. Later I’ll answer myself. Later I’ll deal with the feeling properly. Later I’ll make space for what the body is asking for. I say “later” so often that I forget how often it is not a plan but a delay wrapped in adult language. Tonight I noticed that and felt sad. My needs keep getting scheduled for a cleaner version of life that rarely arrives. That is not really scheduling. It is abandonment in polite clothing. I don’t want to keep doing that to myself.