I was jealous of someone’s confidence

Dear Delyara, I met someone today who seemed completely at ease with themselves, and it stayed with me longer than I expected. Not because they were extraordinary. Because they looked unguarded. I felt jealous in that quiet, slightly shameful way that isn’t really about wanting to be them. It’s about grieving the amount of energy you spend managing yourself by comparison. My face, my tone, my words, my reactions, my timing — all of it gets filtered through too much self-awareness sometimes. I think what I envied was not their confidence exactly. It was their ease. That kind of ease looks almost luxurious to me now.