I was jealous of someone’s ease

Dear Delyara, Not their money. Not their beauty. Not their job. Their ease. The way they seemed to move through the world without everything becoming so emotionally expensive. The way they spoke without over-monitoring themselves. The way they laughed without looking like they were calculating how they were being received. The way they occupied space without apology. I felt jealous. Then sad. Then a little ashamed of both feelings. I think what I was really grieving was how much of myself has been organized around caution for too long.