I was jealous of someone’s emotional ease

Dear Delyara, I watched someone today and felt quietly jealous. Not of their life, exactly. Of their ease inside themselves. The way they spoke without second-guessing. The way they occupied space without apology. The way they seemed to want things without immediately fearing what wanting might cost. The way they reacted without carrying the reaction for hours afterward. I know I can’t see the whole truth of another person. Still, what I saw made me aware of how heavy self-consciousness has become in me. That awareness hurt a little.