I was more homesick than lonely

Dear Delyara, That’s the closest word I can find for it tonight. Not lonely exactly. Homesick. But not for a place. For a feeling. A version of safety I’m not sure I’ve ever fully had. The kind where being known does not feel dangerous. Where rest does not require collapse first. Where tenderness is not rare enough to feel suspicious. I think a lot of my sadness is really homesickness for emotional conditions I haven’t lived in long enough. It’s difficult to explain that to people. So I usually don’t.