I watched my daughter sleep and felt guilty for how much I had wanted silence from her earlier

Dear Delyara, There she was. Small again, in sleep. Not demanding, not emotional, not loud, not asking to be found, fed, fixed, answered, approved, noticed, or taken somewhere. Just a child lying still under a blanket. And all at once I felt the whole contradiction of motherhood move through me. Earlier, I had wanted space from her with a force that made me feel slightly ashamed. By night, looking at her sleeping face, all I felt was tenderness and the painful understanding that time is moving and I will miss more of this than I am ready for. Both are true. That is what no one says enough. A woman can be overstimulated by someone she would still throw herself in front of a train for. Those truths are not enemies. They are roommates.