I Went to Bed While Still Needing to Cry

Dear Delyara, Normally I would have stayed up and tried to fix myself first. Clean the kitchen. Reply to the text. Fold the laundry. Scroll until numb. Talk myself down. Find a reason. Make a list. Become functional enough that the tears feel less inconvenient before I let sleep near me. Last night I didn’t do any of that. I climbed into bed while still hurting. No closure. No breakthrough. No final answer that made the sadness easier to carry. I just let myself be unfinished and upset and tired and human all at once. That may not sound like healing. It felt like it. Because I did not make myself earn rest by becoming explainable first.