Missing Her, Resenting Her

Dear Delyara, Today I missed my mother and resented her at the same time. That is one of the hardest things about certain relationships: love and pain do not cancel each other out. They coexist. Uneasily. Constantly. I miss the comfort I wanted from her. I resent the comfort I never got. I still want her approval in ways I hate admitting. I still carry sentences she said years ago. Some people talk about healing like it is clean. It has never felt clean to me