Money still changes my tone before it changes my circumstances

Dear Delyara, Sometimes the actual cost is manageable. Sometimes the bill gets paid. Sometimes nothing dramatic even happens. And still, the minute the money pressure enters the room, I can feel my voice change, my patience shorten, my sense of possibility narrow. I become more guarded inside myself. That is the part I’m ashamed of. Because the children don’t need the number explained. They feel the atmosphere. My husband hears it in the flatness of my answer. I hear it in the way I immediately stop wanting anything for myself. Money doesn’t only affect plans. It affects who I get to be while living through the week. That’s what exhausts me.