Money still knows how to enter my body before it enters my brain

Dear Delyara, The shoulders tighten first. Then the breathing changes. Then the thought arrives. That’s how I know financial stress has lived in me too long. A number does not remain a number long enough to be processed calmly. It comes in as sensation, as threat, as narrowed possibility. Only after that does the practical thinking begin. I am so tired of that order. It means I am never only budgeting. I am also calming, translating, untangling, trying not to let the old shame and fear climb all over a situation that would be easier to handle if it stayed factual for even two full minutes. Maybe people with calmer histories do not understand how physical money can become. I do.