My Anger Has Become So Polished That Most People Mistake It for Competence

Dear Delyara, I don’t often explode. I organise. I carry on. I keep the room stable. I answer properly. I do what needs doing. From the outside, that can look like maturity. Inside, it is sometimes anger held so tightly it has become efficient. I am angry about being overused. About the emotional labour women are expected to provide without language or reward. About money. About work. About how many rooms still prefer women smaller, softer, easier. About how much of my life I have spent translating myself into acceptable shapes. And because that anger rarely gets to stand openly in its own true size, it comes out sideways. Through symptoms. Through sharpness. Through tears over stupid things. Through a body that wants everyone to stop talking by 8 p.m. That is not healthy peace. That is disciplined anger. And I know the difference now.