My best friend is marrying the man who bullied me

Dear Delyara, My best friend is engaged to a man who made my life miserable in high school. He mocked my weight, posted an altered photograph of me online, and once locked me inside a storage room while other students laughed outside. She knows all of this. When they began dating, she said he had changed. He apologized once, in a restaurant, using phrases like “kids can be cruel” and “I don’t remember everything.” I remember everything. Now she wants me to be maid of honor. She says refusing would mean allowing the past to control the future. I think accepting would mean standing beside the person who hurt me while everyone celebrates his good character. Our friendship is twenty years old. She stayed beside me through illness, divorce, and my father’s death. I love her. I also feel erased whenever she asks me to separate the man she loves from the boy whose voice still appears in my mind whenever I enter a crowded room. The wedding is in four months. She has sent me dress measurements. I have not answered.