My Body Feels Unreliable

Dear Delyara, I don’t trust it in the easy innocent way I used to. A pain is never just a pain now. Tiredness is never just tiredness. A change is never just a change. Once health has frightened you properly, your own body stops being background and becomes a source of active interpretation. I am tired of listening this hard. Tired of being alert to symptoms. Tired of carrying this private suspicion into ordinary days while still acting normal enough for everybody else. A body should feel like home. Mine too often feels like a question I’m afraid to answer wrong.