My body reacts before my mind has words

Dear Delyara, That is probably the hardest part to explain to anyone who hasn’t lived like this. There are times when something in me reacts instantly — tone, sound, movement, atmosphere — and my body has already tightened before my mind has properly identified what is happening. It is not always memory. It is not always a clear flashback. Sometimes it is just my nervous system knowing something I cannot yet phrase. Then comes the shame. Why am I like this? Why did that affect me? Why can’t I just stay in the present properly? But the body doesn’t always ask permission before remembering.