My daughter asked why I never swim

Dear Delyara, My daughter is seven and has never seen me in a swimsuit. At the public pool today, she asked why I always sit fully dressed while other mothers get into the water. I told her I do not like swimming. She frowned and said, “But you watch me like you want to.” She is right. I used to swim every week until a man assaulted me in the changing room when I was twenty-one. I reported it, but the security camera did not cover the hallway, and the police said there was not enough evidence. Afterward, the smell of chlorine made my throat close. I stopped going near pools and told everyone I had become self-conscious about my body. That lie was easier to live with than the truth. Today, my daughter stood waist-deep in the shallow end, held out both hands, and said she would teach me. I almost stepped forward. Then a locker door slammed behind me and I froze. She lowered her hands. On the drive home, she said, “Maybe when you’re braver.” I wanted to tell her I have been brave every single day I stayed alive after that room. Instead, I promised we would try again next Saturday. I do not know whether I can keep the promise. I know I want to.