My father forgot the insult he called me for thirty years

Dear Delyara, My father called me “useless” throughout my childhood. Sometimes joking, sometimes not. If I broke something: useless. Failed a test: useless. Chose art instead of engineering: completely useless. I built an entire adult life around proving him wrong. Today, Dad has Alzheimer’s. During my visit, he watched me fix a loose cupboard hinge and said, “You’re handy. Were you always good with things?” I almost laughed. I wanted to tell him the story. I wanted to say, Actually, Dad, you spent thirty years telling me the opposite. Instead, I said, “Not always.” He nodded. Then he called me “a good lad.” I went into the bathroom and cried so hard I had to run the tap. I waited my whole life for approval from a man who now cannot remember withholding it. That feels unfair in a way I cannot explain without sounding cruel. Dementia has softened him. He thanks me. He tells nurses I am clever. Everyone says it is lovely that we are having peaceful years together. It is lovely. It also means the person who wounded me has disappeared before I could ever ask him why, and the gentle man remaining receives love without remembering what forgiveness would have required.