Copenhagen, Denmark

My fiancé does not know I changed my mind about wanting children

Dear Delyara, When my fiancé and I met, we both said we wanted children. We discussed names jokingly. We chose an apartment partly because it has a second bedroom. Over the last two years, something changed in me. I no longer want to become a mother. This is not fear I expect to pass. The more honestly I imagine parenthood, the more certain I become. I have not told him. Our wedding is in five months. Yesterday, he saw a family with a baby and said, “That’ll be us next year.” I smiled. I hate myself for that smile. He deserves to know before marriage. I know. I am afraid the truth will end us, and because I love him, I keep postponing the conversation that love should require. Sometimes I catch myself hoping he will change his mind first so I can avoid being the person who breaks the future we described together. The second bedroom is currently my office. He still calls it “the future nursery” when people visit. Every time, I feel the secret sitting at my desk.