My goals feel farther from my body now

Dear Delyara, I can still list my goals. I can still talk about them. I can still sound motivated enough if someone asks. But inside, the feeling of them has changed. They feel farther from the body. Less alive in the chest. Less like hunger and more like obligation mixed with caution. I don’t know whether that means I’ve become wiser, more tired, more disappointed, or all three. I only know I miss the version of wanting that felt cleaner than this. That loss of clean desire has its own sadness.