My hands shake before the piano does

Dear Delyara, I am a concert pianist, and six months ago my right hand began trembling. At first, it happened only when tired. Now the tremor appears before performances, during rehearsals, and sometimes while I am holding a spoon. The neurologist suspects a movement disorder but has not confirmed which one. I have told my manager that I injured a tendon. I cancel interviews and request darker stage lighting so audiences will not see my hand before it reaches the keys. Last night, during a quiet passage I have played since childhood, my fourth finger struck the wrong note. One note. The audience probably forgot it immediately. I did not. My whole life has been built on the belief that hands can be disciplined into certainty through enough repetition. Now my body introduces its own rhythm without permission. My wife says music remains inside me even if performance changes. She speaks lovingly and from outside the terror. I am scheduled to play Beethoven next month. The posters are already printed. Every morning, I place my hand flat on the piano lid and wait to see whether it moves. The instrument is perfectly still. I have begun resenting it for that.