My husband learned how to help without touching me

Dear Delyara, After I was assaulted, physical comfort became complicated. My husband’s first instinct whenever I cried was to hug me, and sometimes that made panic worse. He used to pull away hurt, thinking I was rejecting him. In trauma therapy, we invited him to one session and created a simple question: “Touch or space?” He began asking every time instead of assuming. Some nights I said touch. Some nights I said space. When I said space, he stayed nearby without reaching for me. Last week, I woke from a nightmare shaking. He sat on the floor beside the bed and asked the question. I said space. He stayed there for twenty minutes, talking softly about the dog snoring in the hallway until my breathing slowed. Then I reached for him myself. Love after trauma has not been about finding the right hug. It has been about being loved by someone willing to let my body decide what comfort means each time.