My Joints Ache with a Cold Fluid and I Can’t Feel the Tips of My Left Fingers

Dear Delyara, The physical exhaustion has gone deeper than my muscles tonight; it feels like it has settled directly into the marrow of my bones. My knees and wrists ache with a dull, sickening throbbing that makes every movement feel like I’m dragging myself through deep mud. Worst of all, the tips of the fingers on my left hand have gone completely numb—just a flat, pins-and-needles deadness that hasn't gone away since midnight. I sat there rubbing my hand against my trousers, trying to force the blood back into the skin, but it felt like trying to wake up a corpse. I am running myself into the absolute ground, Delyara. I am forcing my brain to hold together a life that is shattering at the margins, and my body is literally starting to switch off the lights in the outer rooms just to keep the main engine from exploding. I am terrified that one morning I’m going to try to stand up from this chair and my legs just won't answer the command.