My mother can still make me feel like I am....

Dear Delyara, Even now, with all the actual life I’ve lived, there are conversations where I can feel the younger version of me stepping forward first. The one who edits, anticipates criticism, explains in advance, and tries to sound less needy than she really is. It happens before I’ve even chosen it. Then I get off the call and feel that old mix of irritation and shame and sadness, because I know I am no longer that girl and yet my body still speaks her language in certain rooms. Family is powerful that way. Not always through open harm. Sometimes through the sheer longevity of old patterns.