My mother still keeps a list of everything she gave me

Dear Delyara, My mother can turn any disagreement into an invoice. She paid for piano lessons when I was nine. She stayed with my children after my second child was born. She gave us £3,000 toward the house deposit. Every act of love returns later as proof that I owe her obedience. Tonight, I told her we are spending Christmas with my husband’s family. She became quiet, then began listing everything she has done for me since childhood. By the end of the call, I apologized. My husband heard the conversation and asked why I let her speak to me like that. I did not know how to explain that my mother’s disappointment still feels like eviction from the family. She has never hit me, abandoned me, or stopped loving me. She simply made love feel measurable, and I have spent my life trying to keep the balance in my favor. I am forty-two years old, but whenever she says, “After everything I’ve done,” I become a child standing at a counter while someone totals the cost of raising me.