My paycheck disappears before I touch it

Dear Delyara, Every payday begins with a number in my account and ends, within minutes, with almost nothing. Rent, council tax, loan payments, overdraft charges, credit cards, electricity, phone, arrears. The money arrives and is immediately claimed by decisions I made while frightened in previous months. I work full-time in a warehouse and take weekend shifts at a supermarket. My children think I like working. I tell them I get bored at home. The truth is, I am exhausted enough to forget conversations, but rest has become financially dangerous. Last Friday, my son asked why I never come to his football matches. I said the manager would not give me the day off. He replied, “You’re always at work, but we still never have money.” He is ten. I had no answer. Debt has made me absent from the family I am supposedly working to protect. I keep waiting for one month when my wages will belong to the life happening now instead of paying for fear from the past. That month never comes.